Life is a string of moments
(for anyone looking for some pre-US election-result distractions...)
Dante and I had a lil’ wedding!
Isn’t it funny, how fleeting moments can uncover recurring little truths?
First, some reflections on a wild time.
On Expectations
I’m not sure if it’s the wedding industrial complex (whew!), or just the nature of the day itself, but we’re often told to place a bundle of expectations on such Big Days.
With Big Expectations come… checklists up the wazoo.
During the months leading up to a wedding: Even when to-do lists felt manageable (a nearly impossible feat), a question that would often accompany any overwhelm: “Why should I care?” (Why should I care about wedding colours? Bridal showers? Placemats? Quick answer - there’s no inherent need to care. But, your girl sometimes needs to run up against the darn thing to realize.)
The Shift
2 acts that turned this question on its head, for me:
Setting an intention - that is specific enough to necessitate trade-offs.
A question that mattered deeply for us was: What does this event mean to us?
Are we trying to honour the past?
Are we trying to foster community going into the future?
How might those 2 priorities overlap? (e.g. a life-long love for South Asian dance, and sharing that beauty with others)
What are conflicts between intentions? During these moments, which tradeoffs did a North Star intention necessitate?
The simple truth: neither of us give a dang about wedding colours. (To each their own on this.)
But, questions we did care about, regarding the intention of fostering community with our loved ones:
What does it mean to gather?
What details add meaning to our act of gathering? (Bringing doodles and play into a big day?)
What does it mean to include loved ones from different parts of lives within the fabric of something we’re making? What does it mean to share our magic with them?
Group dance rehearsals full of giggles and folks getting to know each other, in the weeks leading up to the Big Day?
A little note to each of our guests on the Day Of?
Little Raha doodles, scattered throughout?
A weekend of events exploring beautiful Montreal together, following the Big Day?
Importantly - what would this desire manifest as in the moments following the The Big Day?
What does it mean to flow with certain relationships that have evolved beautifully, beyond the situations they were first nurtured in? What does it mean to grow new saplings of relationships that we’ve both just discovered?
The other “must have” details would come together, through coordinator meetings, spreadsheets, etc. But most importantly: magic + hope followed from our above qs. Even if the chaos would sometimes make us forget, the question of (exclusive) intentions always stayed in the background like a clear, relieving reframe.
Paying Attention
Let’s be real, though -
On The Big Day: Even with all intentions set, boxes checked, details in place, it was very easy to realize that we don’t have much control over… anything. Even with a planner running the show, there are a million things I could be worried about. Examples:
I’ve conveniently blacked out those 72 hours, two weeks before the wedding, when I panicked over a rain prediction and spent two hours on FB Marketplace hunting for clear umbrellas — just in case, and because I didn’t love the idea of the tent that our initial back-up plan called for. (Dante, the Voice of Reason, thankfully pulled me out of that rabbit hole… only for the forecast to clear up anyway…)
More questions swarmed in the background leading up to the day of our wedding, even just from a place of empathy (“how is X feeling? Did Y get into the country ok? Will I have time to catch up with Z?”) And let’s be real - this feeling isn’t just tied to wedding prep! I’ve talked about this before.
A second, surprisingly simple reframe that turned this feeling on its head, on our wedding day: Looking around me.
Regardless of the checklists in my mind, certain details suddenly came into technicolour when I had a moment to pay attention, unmissable because of how electric they felt:
Dante’s smiling eyes (these eyes cried more than my own, the day of! Oh, how I love you, Dante. <3)
laughs,
a feeling of warmth,
cute details in a loved one’s smile or outfit,
an exchange between 2 guests that I never imagined would meet let alone have the deep-dive they were having in a corner…
A buzz that made our lil’ villa-in-a-Montreal-park feel like its roof was going to pop off and propel us into the sky just based on that collective love.
And! These are the things that we remember most. (Wedding recap, voila!)
Of course I would oscillate at times. None of us are perfect, and we have to be gentle with ourselves on such Big Days! But, that reminder - of how opposite it feels to control our surroundings, versus create moments for love - was incredibly relieving. There are just some parts of us that - even if familiar, even if sometimes helpful - we need to leave at the door when we seek to create together.
As we look back, our wedding reminded us that big days — and big moments in life — don’t need to be perfect. They just need to be intentional. By focusing less on every detail and more on how we gather with love and presence, we found joy in moments we hadn’t planned and connection in the unplanned spaces. In any big moment, embracing clear intentions and letting go of control can bring both clarity and freedom, letting us savor the fleeting magic right in front of us - and life is little more than a string of those fleeting moments, in the end.
This week, two new perspectives to consider in your daily life, or big moments:
How can using intentions, and their inherent trade-offs, help bring you clarity?
How can paying closer attention to the moments around you bring a sense of ease?
Here’s to finding that balance, with self-compassion, as we carve out moments of beauty in a strange world. And - with so much heartbreak existing in tandem in this world, may this exercise serve as a reminder of the joy we all deserve.
So much <3,
Raha
