When I ask - “What is the life you desire?” I wonder what comes to mind. Some common answers:
“The perfect relationship/family/career.”
“Riches.”
“This aesthetic/persona!”
If any of that is on your list, go for it. There’s nothing inherently good or bad about these goals. They’re just not what interest me about you. What I want to know:
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. - Oriah, The Invitation
If we ask out loud, “What is the life I desire?”, society’s answers are easy (to hear, that is). We’re told constantly to fill our heads with cookie-cutter ideas for how we should be… and wake up one day and wonder why we’re so anxious.
The deeper truth: We’re more interesting than we’ll ever be told to be.
Let’s figure out how, and chase that fire.
Visualize the world you want to create.
To do so, some qs to consider:
i. If capitalism, patriarchy, racism, ableism etc. disappeared overnight - what life you would lead? What would you start doing? With whom would you build? How would you move through the world?
Thinking outside of the systems we’re in helps us create a north star for a Radically You Life, that isn’t centered in coping. Sounds naive? More like - radically inspiring! (Sonya Renee Taylor and Alok Vaid Menon are incredible role models for how to create a radically loving life towards ourselves and others. Their social media are also a breath of deep, fresh air.)
ii. A proxy for the above: How did you like to engage with the world as a child, when you weren’t worrying about being “enough” or “too much”? How can those instincts point you to a world/communities you deeply want to be part of, or create, as an adult?
iii. On the flip side: How are your insecurities not actually your own? How can you trace past insecurities (e.g. about your body or features) to beliefs about power that have nothing to do with you? This is a beautiful way to detach our visions from external “shoulds”, to create a truly energizing life. (Beautiful thought, Viorica!)
Your answers don’t have to be super-specific, but they have to feel true to you. One example of a resulting vision: “I want to be in community with folks of all ages and backgrounds, building and laughing together. I would dance a lot. I would spread my effervescence easily to others and receive it from the world. I would likely spend a good chunk of my time teaching and thinking.”
Still struggling to visualize a radically You world? Reach out to me - I want to hear how.
Understand the power of your conscious mind.
You might have heard of Manifesting / RAS (Reticular Activating System) / [insert woo-woo catch-phrase here] before. Let’s talk about it.
Our brain has a fantastic ability to hone in on things. Ruminated/fixated endlessly before? You know its power. Why not focus the forefront of our mind on goals that align with your light? Let’s choose the billboard for the most-frequented part of our head-city!
Look back to the questions from Part 1, above. What values and feelings matter to you, deep down? What resulting world are you trying to create? How do you want to make that world come into fruition, today? You may have some ideas in the back of your head, of worlds you’ve always wanted to be part of, or things you’d try “if the stars align”.
Now: Note the difference between “It would be great for X to happen”, “I want X to happen”, and “I intend to make X happen.”
“I intend to make X happen” focuses on the “how”. It asks us to open doors that we might not have paid attention to in the past, and to consider novel combinations of approaches we may never thought of before. Intention also gives us the resilience and creativity to sit in the realm of stuck-ness and in-between. This is infinitely times more interesting a place than “It would be great for X to happen”.
(Stuckness is difficult. But in Raha’s Humble Opinion: Cognitive dissonance is worse. The stuckness that comes from figuring out how to live a life that aligns with our values > the despair/stuckness of not choosing our trade-offs. Stuckness can be energizing… if we’re motivated to move through it to align with our values. What that means:
Start small with your intentions, so they feel challenging enough to keep you motivated and not overwhelmed.
Most importantly: Revisit your intuitions so you can make sure that your intentions match up with your Radically You world. There’s no point “powering through” if we’re not tending to our Why - or we’ll be left powering through a lot of emptiness, dissonance and burnout, too.)
By speaking intention into our goals, we can finally step outside of our comfort/coping zone and into the unknown.
An example of an intention: “I intend to deeply dive into X question, to learn a bit more about the world and my abilities.” Or: “I intend to foster a community of folks across walks of life who are attempting to bring vulnerability and effervescence into their everyday.”
Great! Equipped with an authentic Why, and a conscious urgency to bring that Why into the world - We’re ready to think about how we put that energy into the world, with others and through our actions. Coming soon, in a next post.
Happy snowballing, kiddos. (For those that read this far - I want to hear your struggles with and reactions to the exercise above. Email me - I’d love to hear from you. ♥️)
Much <3,
Raha