(Hola! Thanks for bearing with me these past few weeks as I post on some not-Fridays, as moving homes picks up. Grateful to make time for weekly posts regardless — I look so forward to them. Read on!)
A VISION
I don’t have many grand visions for this life. When people ask me what my life goals are, I find that hard to answer. The truth is, my goals in life so far have changed once accomplished, or got re-imagined… like a moving goalpost.
I have one vision, though, burned into my mind. It just seems to get stronger with time. The vision is of a warm living room, with a large dining table filled with loved ones of all ages and backgrounds, laughing around meaningful conversation together. It’s an image with growing implications for how I lead this little life.
Let’s start with one aspect of that vision: kids.
A QUESTION
When was the last time you had a conversation with a kid?
Sure, we’ve got kids all around us — nieces, nephews, friends’ kids, our own kids… but here’s the thing. I’m not asking about time we’ve spent around, or even with kids. I’m asking about time that we’ve spent talking to someone young — asking them about themselves, and feeling present enough to hear the answer.
A MEMORY
From when I was 12, my parents ran a music band out of our basement on weekends. Mom decided to string together a bunch of musicians, singers and dancers from around Toronto, and we’d all rehearse Tamil songs together to perform at community events around the city and country. Random, I know! -and one of the best things to happen to me.
My self-assigned role as a 12-year-old during these band rehearsals was to: read books upstairs and avoid all child-of-the-house duties, coming down occasionally to make sure none of the people downstairs leaned too heavily on our newly painted walls. I would scurry around observing people and then scurry off to my room when I decided that the world of fiction was more compelling, comforted by the hum of music and banter through the floorboards. It was heaven!
Even so, one of the most meaningful conversations I’ve had was when a grown(er) up in the band stopped to listen. One day, I ended up striking a conversation with one of our band’s singers, a young woman spending the summer back in Toronto between her years at a university in the States. I don’t remember much of our actual conversation, but I do remember her asking me follow-up questions. What adult asks kids follow up questions?! She cared about what I had to say, and found my thoughts and feelings important enough to want to clarify. To this day, I still remember the way she was sitting, and how she paused between thoughts to listen to me, a kid.
A LESSON
There’s something beautiful about taking a child as they are — not as an entity to mold or control, but to learn from. Of course, it’s not easy to do this when we’re trying to protect loved ones from harm, disappointment and failure, or when we’re just trying to create some calm. As someone who likes control over her environments, I hear this.
A quick thought experiment, though: What if we looked at children less as blank slates, and more as little humans placed on this earth with all the pieces needed to show us the unique mark they plan to make on this world?
How different would so many fellow adults’ lives be if the adults in their childhoods gave them more space to show the world who they are, rather than be told who they should be? How much less time would be wasted resisting, resenting, and relearning how to love ourselves, if we were just given a little more space to… be, and show the individual beauty that we bring out of the womb and into this world?
I’m not saying that we need to start treating kids like adults. I am saying that we need to take kids more seriously when they try to show us who they are. Our needs to control the world may be valid, but let’s not let that get in the way of learning about the beauty of others.
The next time you’re around a kid, remember to stay present with them, go where they take you, and ask follow-up questions. You’ll be surprised at how much you have to learn.
<3, always,
Raha
~
Below, learning about heat while boogying with one of the coolest kids I know.